"I get touched or felt up at least once every night I'm working, mostly by men in their thirties, but also by a lot of straight women," he says. On the other hand, Toby, 21, who works as a busboy at a gay club in Glasgow, says unwanted touching from different kinds of customers has become an occupational hazard. If they're a bit full-on I'll bat them off, but I don't dress like a slut to go and stand in a corner worrying about it." "No one bothers when I'm out as a guy, so it's a welcome novelty when I'm tarted up. "I can see how it must annoy some people, but personally I don't mind a friendly slap or grope if you're hot," she says. Of course I understand why many people find it traumatising – I've just got used to it happening a lot, I guess, and it's easier to laugh it off than get angry."ĭrag queen Stella Meltdown also says she generally isn't bothered when she's groped in a gay bar. Occasionally I've felt in physical danger, and those incidents had an impact on me for a good while afterwards. "Most of the time I don't particularly mind," he continues, "but I know that’s very unusual, and I guess it all depends on how you view sex and other people's interactions with your body. It can be anything from a brush on the bum or crotch, to more invasive stuff a few times people have actually put their hands down my pants and put their fingers in me without any sort of encouragement or consent," he says. "I'm out and about on London's gay scene a lot – I'd say I get touched without permission at least once every couple of weeks in gay venues. But he also acknowledges that, for some people, it's not a clear-cut issue. But sadly, it's not only younger gay guys who might experience unwanted physical contact on nights out.ĭylan B Jones, editor of weekly LGBTQ magazine QX, says that "groping is certainly a huge issue on the gay scene, and one that needs to addressed". His theory makes sense: any queer person's first few visits to an LGBTQ venue can be nerve-wracking, exhilarating and kind of overwhelming – it takes a while to work out the unwritten etiquette. Having shared his distressing experience with friends, Dan says he thinks it's "an example of how some younger gay guys think things are 'just normal' when they happen on a night out, and don't realise it's actually really wrong until they're older". "At the time I was really embarrassed about what happened, but I remember thinking, 'Maybe it's just the kind of thing that happens in gay clubs?'" "A guy who must have been in his late-twenties pulled my T-shirt straight over my head and said I couldn't have it back unless I kissed his friend," he says. Dan was 18 when he had an experience in a Soho gay bar that still makes him feel "really grossed out" several years later. Sometimes the grim and demeaning behaviour is a lot more creative than a supposedly playful "cheeky feel". It's very difficult to police this policy in these types of venues, and this is where we need to better educate our community on what is consent and what is not." "However, I get the over-policing comment, as it all depends on what type of venue we're talking about for instance, there are gay venues that have a sex licence and allow sex on premises. It's unlikely to happen," says Ian Howley.
Being fondled at the gay bar sex stories code#
"The first problem with venues displaying a code of conduct is that they would have to admit this goes on in their venues and that this is an issue they haven't addressed. The lack of responses from other venues is disappointing, but not entirely surprising: there's potentially a worry that if they were to display a code of conduct they might be accused of "over-policing". We straight away deal with the problem and either ask the person to leave the venue or give a very strong warning." "We've had a few times when it's happened and we've been made aware of it. "It's not really a problem here," said Stevie Tee, manager of east London gay bar the White Swan.
VICE contacted more than 20 LGBTQ venues across the UK to ask for their policy when someone complains about persistent unwanted attention from a fellow patron. It's illegal and you can be prosecuted for it." Just because it may happen at a gay venue does not give gay men a licence to do it. Groping or being touched without consent in any situation is unacceptable. "Some of the men who said it didn't bother them said their reasoning behind was due to being in a gay venue. "I think it's clearly a problem in the gay community," says Ian Howley, Chief Executive of LGBT Hero, GMFA's parent organisation. Sixty-two percent of guys who responded to a 2017 survey by gay men's health charity GMFA said they'd been touched or groped in a bar or club without their express permission, while 34 percent said that it had bothered them. Sadly, Tyler's experience is far from a one-off.